Music.

Common fears to a mother of young children include the following: Meningitis, the mumps, measles, and chicken pox. There's now a new threat to the growth of your children; bad musical taste. In recent years children have been growing up with poor musical tastes, and the dress sense that comes with them. Do you want your child listening to Britney Spears? Fuck no. Catch this early; catch this now; prevent this bad taste and tarty dress; have your children listen to good music.

As we all know, a child’s first education starts in the home, so turn off the radio. Just do it. Think of the children.

Leaving that radio on is like leaving your child sat with something germ ridden, except these are radio waves, not yucky stuff. The radio waves themselves aren’t harmful, but the constant aural bombardment of over processed vocals and ‘bleep bleep bloop bloop’ noise is. You need to take a stand, and you need to take it now before your child begins to become mesmerized with Top of the Pops and MTV.

Top of the Pops and MTV are major culprits in filling your child’s head with crap.

Not only will they be rolling around all over the place filling their nappies left right and centre, they’ll hum. Oh yeah, humming! This is intolerable. Do you want your child humming away Britney’s latest hit? No, you don’t, and for your own sanity you should prevent this. Later in life your child may want dress like Britney Spears, and that other blonde tart, the dirty one, you know. Anyway, her, and you can’t have that, those hussies.

Your child seeing these crap artists live may result in injuries. Sounds unbelievable, I know, but entirely possible. Have you seen the music videos? Awful, awful stuff.

Do you want your precious bundle of joy trying to do a little Busted-esque jump off the couch? No, you don’t. They could break their tubby little arses if they don’t land right, and no one likes sitting in casualty for four hours.

Do you want them bumpin’ and grindin’ like a miniature whore? No, didn’t think so.

I can only imagine one thing worse that you wouldn’t wish on your child – hip-hop, or a heroin addiction. Or maybe being oh so ‘goth’. Damn those kids are annoying.

Good music should be taught in school. Like the difference between right and wrong.

Hip-hop? Shut up. It’s some guy who’s taken one of his dads records, put it on a turntable and hit play while he has friends round, then they all talk gibberish for a few minutes. Then when they grow up they do it for money! Fuckers.

I suppose you could slag off every single genre of music in the same way, like how there’s a lot of bands that sound like they were recorded in a damp cellar, yet they were recorded in a top end New York studio and mixed in L.A. or something.

I’ll stop now since this was all for my own entertainment, and I was entertained.